Things I love #8

I'm currently crushing on Glee. It's quirky in such a good way and the songs they perform are simply fantabulous. Lea Michele who plays Rachel has an amazing voice. I am, however, struggling to choose a favourite character. Kurt is excellent value for money but Sue Sylvester is something else. Plus she comes out with all the best lines - even when alone with her thoughts.

"Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back stronger than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain."

And while I hear that some Rachel/Puck action is on the horizon, I'm still holding out hope that Finn will come to his senses, hand Quinn over to her real baby daddy and embrace his feelings for the divine Miss Berry. They're just so darn cute together!

Grateful

This week I conducted my first focus group. It was with a group of refugee women from Burma and they were amazing. I was absolutely terrified in the lead-up as I’ve only ever conducted focus groups with white, middle class, educated English-speakers before. I was paranoid that I’d say something culturally inappropriate or I’d offend someone in some way. I needn’t have worried.

I came away on a high having actually achieved something towards the qualitative part of my study (it’s been a long time coming) and also for having spent the afternoon with a group of women who put it all in perspective. Women who are longing to be reunited with loved ones still in refugee camps along the Burma-Thailand border, women genuinely grateful to be in a country where they have legitimate freedom, women who are simply happy to be alive and safe. Women who shed tears as a bicultural community worker translated their words for me. And here I’ve been getting my panties in a twist over a bloody thesis. I cried as I made the drive home. I too am grateful.

Grateful that I have never watched soldiers gun down my friends before my eyes, grateful that I have not had to flee my home and hide in the forest, grateful that I have not been separated from my family in a refugee camp, grateful that I have not spent years as a displaced person. I am grateful that I am loved, healthy, educated and have been given an opportunity to speak for those less fortunate than I am. Suddenly, I have a certain level of pride in my research that wasn’t there before. I am considerably less terrified at the thought of meeting Afghan mothers next week. In fact, I’m looking forward to the challenge.

Wise words from a dear friend

Don't quit when the tide is lowest,

For it's just about to turn;

Don't quit over doubts and questions,

For there is something you may learn.

Don't quit when the night is darkest,

For it's just a while 'til dawn;

Don't quit when you've run the farthest,

For the race is almost won.

Don't quit when the hill is steepest'

For your goal is almost nigh;

Don't quit, for you're never a failure,

Until you fail to try.

I knew it!

A bad week

Last week was not a good week for me. In fact it was a turning point. It was the culmination of...wait for it... even more problems with my PhD. I know, shocking. But last week I reached the end of my tether. My primary supervisor is leaving my university to take a professorship at another university. This means I have to find another supervisor to take her place. This wouldn’t have been so bad two years ago but over the past 18 months there's been a bit of an exodus of people in the department potentially related to the area of my thesis topic. As a result there is NO ONE left in the department in my discipline. Either I find a supervisor within the department who is nothing more than a signature on my paperwork, or I move departments. Actually I’ll have to move faculties. That’ll go down a treat.

I’ve had to give up teaching to focus on resolving all the issues associated with my PhD. This has saddened me for three reasons - 1.) I like teaching, I’m good at it and I didn’t want to give it up, 2.) I feel that pulling out mid-semester has put extra pressure on my colleagues. They’ve been brilliant about it all but I don’t like not finishing something I signed up to do, and 3.) I’m giving up a whole lot of money (well, to a student anyway). I’ll be fine, savings will just have to get me through, but the way things are going I’m not even sure that I’ll be able to take up teaching again next year. I’m disappointed.

The other ongoing issues with my PhD are too many to mention and they’d bore you stupid anyway, but I’m feeling seriously let down. But I’ve finally had to accept a horrible truth. In much of life I’m not too bothered how other people go about getting things done but where I am concerned, I am a perfectionist. I do my best every day to try and make sure that my research, my writing, my teaching is of a very high standard. I truly believe that if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. I’m an all or nothing gal. My PhD is simply not going to be of the standard I intended it to be. Circumstance and other people have prevented that from occurring. At this point I just have to do whatever is necessary to submit a thesis and hope for the best outcome possible.

Last week, having to finally accept that I just have to let go of my standards was killing me. There was the bitter disappointment, the inevitable ‘why me?’, the anger that I was having to compromise because of other people’s incompetency, and then finally the acceptance that it is what it is, all of this sprinkled with bouts of uncontrollable crying and intermittent insomnia. Yes, it sucks. No, it’s not fair. But in just over a year I will submit my thesis for examination and walk away from this whole ordeal. I will not be defeated.

So I did what I always do when I need to be back in control – I cleaned. In this case I Spring Cleaned. I threw out clothing, shoes, jewellery, make-up, utensils, appliances, books, magazines etc. and sent them on to better homes. I de-cluttered my environment so I could de-clutter my mind. I washed, I wiped, I scrubbed, I swept, I vacuumed, I cried. At the end of it all (it took the whole week) I felt so much better. And perhaps even a little rejuvenated.

Depression and anxiety is rife amongst graduate students and suicide has visited among my associates. I completely understand why - in my darkest moments my mind has wandered there too: “I’m fat, I’m ugly, I can’t even cope with this stupid PhD, nothing is going right, this is not where I wanted to be, I’m just worthless”. But I keep thinking of life on the other side. This is not forever; it will come to an end. Some days it’s the only thing that keeps me going. That and my camera, and surprise bouquets and bottles of wine and lots of cuddles from The Boy. And knowing that one day when the pain has finally subsided, I’ll look back on this and say “remember when...”

Delicious!

I just had to share my dinner from last night. I was so impressed by what was presented to me by my gastronomically talented other half that I took a photo. Yes, I am that sad. But I also enjoyed a fabulous meal so na-na-na-na-na! I partook of herb-crusted pan fried Tasmanian salmon, served on a bed of cheese risotto with a tomato and avocado salsa. Oh, and a glass of Stella Bella pink muscat to boot! Yummo.

I have an addiction...

...would you care to guess what it is?

Perth Upmarket

My colleague Kat had a stall for clothing and artwork called 'Scarlet and the Sea'.

Last weekend a couple of girlfriends and I met up for a birthday breakfast (congrats AL!) before heading to the Perth Town Hall for the September instalment of Perth Upmarket. I’ve known about this market for WA-designed/made products for a while but this was the first time I’ve visited. IT WAS INSANE!

The Cake of Soap stall.

One of the stores I was craving to visit (lemon macarons – HELLO!) had completely sold out of their products and disappeared by the time we got there at 11:20am. The market went from 10:00am to 4:00pm. That should tell you just how many people were there. It actually detracted from the experience. There were queues 5 people deep just to see what the stores had on display, and trying to move was at times impossible. If the market is going to attract numbers like this it really needs to be held in a larger area where there can be spaces between retailers and easier movement for customers. Frankly, I was happy to get out of there!

Strawberry and cream cupcakes. Just kidding! They're soap cakes.

I did want to share these photos gorgeous. They were taken at the Cake of Soap stall before one of the women running the stall said “No photos please.” At first I was a bit taken aback. If you didn’t want people to take photos of your products why would you display them at a public market? Then I thought she suspected me of commercial espionage, but that didn’t make sense as I can see exactly what they make via the website. Then I found out there was an ‘official’ photographer for the market so I wonder if they were trying to reserve photo ops for her. Either way I stopped taking photos as soon as she asked me too and didn’t get my camera out again. But these were too good to not share.

Yummy.

Once we’d had a quick look around the markets (with several hundred of our closest friends) we made our way window shopping through town. AL was lucky enough to find her perfect engagement ring – a princess cut, platinum set solitaire at the bargain price of $17,500. It was simply stunning! Not a bad Sunday morning really.

The real thing. What's a birthday without cake? These delightful treats were from the Subi Cupcake Co. With thanks to my good friend SF for chanelling her inner hand model.

Mundaring

Sometimes when I just have to get out of the house The Boy and I grab a bottle of water and a couple of CDs and take to the car for a random drive. It's easy, cheap and surprisingly entertaining. I've become better at remembering to bring my camera along for the ride too.

This past weekend we ended up in Mundaring in the foothills of Perth. We were there just before twilight when all of the animals came out to clean up the picnic areas littered with the remnants of lunching families.

I guess it must be spring as there were so many kangaroos with little joeys popping out of their pouches. This little guy came to inspect my camera. I think he was quite taken by the sound the shutter made. Perhaps he thought there could be romance on the horizon, it being spring and all.

And to top it all off there was a huge apricot tree (or similar) in full bloom!

Isn't the light just lovely?

Sometimes it's good to just jump in the car and drive.

She's there!

The Drama Queen arrived in Utah safe and sound and is looking forward to entering the Missionary Training Centre tomorrow. I miss her so much. I've pretty much been a sookie-la-la for the past two days. Good thing I have essay marking to focus on. Yay for hypercholesterolemia!

Farewell The Drama Queen

She’s finally gone. Six weeks after she was supposed to originally leave for Utah, The Drama Queen departed in the wee hours of this morning on a series of looooong flights to the US. I feel empty. Like I’m not quite whole anymore. And 18 months suddenly seems so much longer than it did yesterday.

Her departure was true Drama Queen-style; late, stressed and with important items forgotten at home. There was an impressive turn-out at the airport considering how late her flight was. And The Chief was almost taken out by security for her terrorist intentions. Seriously.

Leaving my parent’s home in two cars (The German, The Chief and The Drama Queen in one, The Boy and I in the other) we barely got out of the driveway before there was panic over whether or not the front door had been locked. We got all of 30 metres before their car stopped again, the doors opened and searching began as The Drama Queen realised she’d left her driver’s licence in the scanner at home and The Chief needed scissors for some panicked reason. We sent them on and went back for the missing items. We needn’t have bothered collecting two pairs of scissors - by the time we caught up with everyone again The Chief had broken and chewed through the tags she wanted to sever. She’s classy like that.

Getting through security at the airport was plain hilarious. About 40 people must have turned out for The Drama Queen. All of whom made a beeline for the metal detectors when she went through to the gates. I have never heard such a flurry of beeps in my life. We removed clothing, shoes and accessories as directed by the security guards and I had to go through three times, once barefoot before I stopped beeping. The congestion this farewell party created must have been intensely annoying for everyone else. The poor guards were holding up bags and purses shouting “whose is this?” I recognised The Chief’s handbag and informed her that the security guard wanted to identify the owner. She was then pulled aside and given a stern talking to– for trying to sneak two pairs of very sharp scissors into a high security area.

The German hadn’t yet come through so she passed the scissors to him and sent him back to the car to drop them off. He then disappeared for 40 minutes. Because he forgot where he parked the car and it took him that long to find it. Good thing her plane was late. Like I said, her departure was true Drama Queen-style.

Now she’s finally gone and everything is as it should be. I feel empty. Like I’m not quite whole anymore. And 18 months suddenly seems so much longer than it did yesterday.

Because flowers make me happy...

...and my new macro lens makes me happy. And I really need to be surrounded by things that make me happy.

PS - doing a PhD sucks.

Signs of spring

I have never noticed how many cherry trees adorn people’s gardens in Perth. Driving to the institute and back I see splashes of fluffy, pastel pink cherry blossoms dotted everywhere. Last weekend I took my camera out on errands so if we passed an especially abundant tree The Boy could stop the car and I could get a little snap happy. These pictures were actually taken in the garden of a private hospital near where we live. They have a line of cherry trees marking the boundary to the street. Just gorgeous!

For Mandy...

...because sometimes you just have to let it all go.

Market fresh

I'm not sure if anyone else has been having similar experiences to The Boy and I lately, but we're sick and tired of handing over our heard earned cash for 'fresh' produce that spoils within the week. This has more and more commonly been our experience with the big chains - Coles, Woolworths, even IGA.

At times I've been amazed that they've even put some of their fruit and vegetables out on display in the condition that they've been in. Bruised, wrinkled, dehydrated and yes, even decomposing. The quality of the produce these giants have on offer is consistently dwindling. Even while their prices are increasing. I am not impressed.

As a result The Boy and I have been leaning towards purchasing our fresh produce from the markets and there are a few decent farmer's markets scattered around Perth, if you know where to look. These pics were taken at the iconic Fremantle Markets last weekend. Soooo much more impressive than our local supermarket.